2020 Poly Living Presentations

Workshops/presentations subject to change. Check back for more offerings.

Presenter Bios

Introduction to Polyamory & Ethical Non-monogamy

       Jesus Garcia & Tanya Hixon

Navigating the ins and outs of polyamory can be a roller-coaster of emotional ups and downs. The workshop will cover the basic skills needed to help polyamorous relationships grow and thrive. We will look at pitfalls, joys and common issues people deal with in multi-partnered relating. We will discuss a variety of topics such as negotiating boundaries, discussing safe sex, dealing with jealousy, treating all relationships with respect, and co-creating relationships that work for the people involved. Bring your questions and your personal experiences.

  

Communication Power Tools

       Stacey Capps

How do you know when it’s a bad time to have a difficult discussion? You may or may not have heard of the five love languages for showing and receiving affection, but how about apology languages for tougher times? If someone describes a problem to you, how do you respond? Do they want practical advice, emotional sympathy, or just to be heard? Communication skills are key to making polyamory work well. They’re also of benefit to every important relationship, whether or not it’s romantic or exclusive. Learn about active listening, nonviolent communication, the importance of boundaries, strategies and issues with flirting, tips for navigating digital platforms, and more.

 

5 Skills Everyone Needs to do Mature Relating

     Max & Elise Rivers

Most monogamous couples don’t have the negotiation skills which are absolutely necessary to make their relationship flourish (almost a million couples a year divorce because they can’t even get enough of their basic needs met to stay together). Add in a second lover (or more) and the need for communication skills goes up exponentially! In this class we’ll explain what causes conflict, and teach you a few easy-to-learn techniques that will turn 80% of those potential arguments into opportunities for greater intimacy, instead of frustration and anger. We’ll share with you our skills as professional relationship mediators and NVC* instructors. Bring your spouse(s) or come alone. This class will also be helpful for people between relationships seeking to improve their partnership skills. *NVC and Non-Violent Communication are trademarks of CNVC.org and Marshall Rosenberg.

 

Transforming Jealousy into Love

     Sumati Sparks

Do you feel jealous, scared, angry or sad when your partner has feelings for another? Do you wish you could feel happy for their happiness? Or maybe you feel like you aren’t enough or fear abandonment when your partner pays attention to someone else?  In this workshop, you will be guided through “the Four Pillars of Jealousy Transformation.” You will learn easy practices, with the support of a loving community, that will help you learn to: *Feel an abundance of love *Know that you are a unique soul, worthy of all the love you can imagine *Find your inner sense of self-ness and truly enjoy being alone at times *Develop acceptance for what is, never having to feel like a victim again. Learning these practices will not only help you with transforming jealousy into love, but will also help you feel happier, more grounded and more connected to Spirit!

 

Cautionary Poly: Teachable Moments in Polyamorous Relationships

     Kevin Patterson & Allie Phelan

Too often, polyamory is presented in the community with its best face forward. While this positive spin is a good way to convey the viability of polyamory to the monogamous public, for the polyamorous it creates an unobtainable goal of perfection. As a result, mistakes and flaws are inaccurately seen as indicators of broken relationships. In this workshop, Kevin Patterson of Poly Role Models and Allie Phelan, the Polyamorous Librarian will lead a discussion about common—and uncommon—mistakes and what greater lessons can be learned from them. While sharing some of their relationships misfires and inviting others to do the same, Kevin and Allie hope to turn these negative situations into positive gains for the community’s concept of what makes successful polyamorous relationships.

 

Introverts/Extroverts – Finding Similarities and Navigating Differences in Polyamory

     Jeri Lynn Herbert & Joe Brigante

Much has been made of introversion, extroversion, and even ambiversion in popular culture the past few years. We are going to do a deep dive into the ways these personality traits affect how people function through the lens of polyamory and will be touching on expectations, boundary setting, the ever-present calendar balancing, and how we can extend our learnings out into our polycules and communities.

 

Metamour-phosis: Becoming a Delightful Metamour

     Jim Fleckenstein & Carol Morotti-Meeker, MS, MLSP

The term “metamour” – referring to a partner’s partner – appears to have been coined in 2000 and has gained wide currency in the polyamorous community. Like so much else, mainstream mononormative culture offers little guidance on how to fulfill this role successfully. To the contrary, mainstream culture proffers only negative stereotypes – think Fatal Attraction – that clearly do not apply! Without reliable social guidelines, each person who finds themselves in the position of metamour has to develop their own way of being successful. We observe a strong strain of “cautionary tale” advice about the role of metamour swirling about the polyamory community. Though undoubtedly well-intended and often grounded in individuals’ lived experience, we believe there is a danger in uncritically accepting this anecdotal evidence as “the way it is.” We believe doing this actually can stand in the way of building successful poly relationships by overemphasizing a defensive posture on everyone’s part. We hope to offer a more nuanced, balanced approach. Positive metamour status represents a “becoming,” much as a pupa becomes a butterfly. We offer tips on how to navigate this transition successfully, pitfalls to avoid, and how to be a “delightful” metamour while maintaining your own integrity and sanity!

 

How to deal with being “in the closet” or out with your polyamory or your partners’

     Kitty Chambliss, ACC, CPC, ELI-MP

Are you in the “poly closet”? Is your partner? Doesn’t feel great, does it? In this workshop we dive deep into the poly closet pool, identifying ways in which this affects us and our partners. We discuss why many of us are still in the closet, and when might be an appropriate time to come out, and how to go about that as safely as one can. We also discuss strategies for supporting our partners if we are in the poly closet and they are not. Harmonious relationships are possible given some understanding and having the right tools.

 

Radical Self(ish) Love/Care

     Zach Budd

This presentation is presented in lecture format with invited participation from attendees. The presenter will discuss the basics of self-care. But will also explore the reasons why self care is often and intentionally overlooked in today’s society. Included will be discussions about how self-care is neither an indulgence, nor an option. The presenter will give examples and reasons why self-care is CRITICAL and even ETHICAL to maintaining healthy relationships, particularly in non-monogamous and/or polyamorous dynamics. The discussion will propose a radical shift in the way self-care is viewed as well as pointing out the “backwards and upside down” prevailing narrative of self-care. Key points in this presentation include; the myth of selflessness, everyone has the same primary, turning the “To Do List” upside down, the history of self-care, self-care red flags when going into new relationships, being selfish together, and the absolute, unequivocal imperative obligation to be shamelessly selfish.

 

You wrote a Polyamory book/story, now what do you do?

     Sunny Bentley (Solara Gordon)

Congratulations on finishing your poly themed book/story. Writing THE END is only part of the process of publishing. Hitting “save” begins the next part of your publishing journey. There are now two paths you can take, traditional publishing or self-publishing. If you take the traditional route, you’ll need to know when and where to find editors, publishers, and agents. If you decide to self-publish, there are many different basic questions to answer. Facts, budgets, and decisions are fundamental to getting your book/story into the hands of eager readers. This workshop will predominately cover deciding to self-publish. We will discuss potential budget items, line edits, proof copy, cover essentials and the big question-where can you find these answers and other necessary information to make an informed decision. This workshop is for beginning writers and experienced writers looking to step into the world of self-publishing.

 

Dragons, Black People, Aliens, Polyamorists, & Queers: Representation in Science Fiction and Fantasy

     Kevin Patterson & Allie Phelan

Diverse representation across all genres has been historically limited. Kevin Patterson of Poly Role Models and Allie Phelan, the Polyamorous Librarian bring queer, polyamorous superheroes of all races and backgrounds to the forefront of their series For Hire. In this discussion, they will talk about the need for greater representation and social justice in the science fiction and contemporary fantasy genres and how that plays out in creating fictional universes.

 

Polywood Squares: An Active Chat on Drama and Poly Longevity

     Robert Merciless & Natalie Davis

On a 1-10 scale, how many years have you been practicing polyamory/ open relationships? On the same scale, how much drama /negativity results? Let’s lay out a 10 x 10 grid and physically stand in our boxes. Then we will talk and share insights with each other. This is a highly interactive experience for those who choose to participate. It is largely a facilitated conversation among the participants. The grid on the floor allows people with common experience levels and types to be physically close together while, at the same time, seeing — in physical space — those who are having a different experience in their polyamory. In one quick glance, you can see where people are coming from as we share insights, feelings, experiences and maybe even advice with each other.

 

Stories Around the Campfire

     Robyn Trask

In this workshop, we will share in the art and tradition of storytelling. By sharing our personal relationship and polyamory stories we have the opportunity to enrich each other’s lives and learn from one another. In this process we will create a container for us to process these stories and learn from each other to create an intentional future for ourselves and our community.

 

Poly(un)saturated: Setting Time and Resource Boundaries in Polyamory

     Jessica Fern & Nolan Lawless

“Polysaturated” is a term commonly used in polyamorous circles, referring to someone having as many partners as they feel they have time or resources for. The point at which a person feels polysaturated, however, can vary dramatically. Do some people have more resources to share with partners, more time to give? Or, could it be that being polysaturated is not actually about the number of partners someone has? In this workshop, we will examine how time and resources are allocated in non-monogamous relationships, the relationship between resource allocation, autonomy, and attachment, and practical ways to de-saturate your polyamorous life.

 

Trauma, Attachment and Non-Monogamy

     Jessica Fern

If we are going to thrive in our poly relationships it is important that we understand and explore the ways in which experiencing previous traumas can impact our ability to do non-monogamy, as well as how being polyamorous can initiate personal, relational, familial and cultural attachment traumas that were unexpected. In this presentation Jessica will go through: -The different types of trauma -The relationship between insecure attachment and trauma -The Nested Model of Attachment Trauma, articulating the different levels of Self, Relationship, Home, Community and Society that trauma can occur and how this impacts being non-monogamous -How being non-monogamous can be traumatizing for some people – How to we begin to heal from our attachment wounds and traumas.

 

Mental Wellbeing in Polyamory

     Ruby Johnson

I have been a therapist for over 17 years. One thing I understand is how to support someone you love who has mental and emotional differences and how to live with those same differences. I use the term differences versus illness which I will explain why in the workshop. Yes! You can love, live, and have happy relationships.  Questions I get often:  How do you support someone who has a mental difference?  Are people with mental differences able to be in relationships?  How do I know if a behavior is part of the mental difference or their personality?  How does shame, stigma, and misrepresentation play in relationships?  How do you find a good therapist?  How do you handle multiple people with different personalities? Mental and emotional differences?  How does stigma, shame, and misrepresentation play out in relationships?  These questions will be answered and more as we sit in a circle and have a conversation.

 

Mental Health Issues & Maintaining Poly Relationships

     Cassendre Xavier

Mental health issues and psychiatric diagnoses are commonplace in mainstream society as well as among poly and kinky folk. Finding compatible partners and maintaining healthy relationships is still possible, whether you are the one with the mental health issues or you are seeing or in a committed relationship with someone who is. In this audience participation forum, we will discuss challenges and tips for attracting and maintaining healthy poly relationships, with mental health issues as a challenge and opportunity for growth and intimacy.

 

ADHD & Polyamory

     Tara Skubella

Have ADHD? Does a partner/s? Friend or family member? Curious about correlations between ADHD and Polyamory? Desiring a better understating and support with self, partnership/s or friend? Let’s come together in understanding the positivity and super powers of ADHD by beginning with the history of ADHD, what exactly IS ADHD, the unique qualities and gifts of ADHDers, adventurous tendencies, sexuality and moving through challenges to create healthy relationships and means with a partner/s, child, friend or yourself.

 

 

Choice Theory Lessons for a Happier Non-Monogamous Relationship

     Nolan Lawless

In their book Eight Lessons For A Happier Marriage, William and Carleen Glasser illustrate ways to incorporate the concepts of Choice Theory into a traditional monogamous marriage. However, these lessons can be of value to non-monogamous relationships as well! In this workshop, we will examine how each of Glasser’s eight lessons apply to relationships across the non-monogamous spectrum, highlighting both similarities and differences in application compared to the clinical examples shown in the book. The presentation will include examples of clinical application for mental health professionals and coaches but is suitable for all attendees.

 

 

Consent Takes Practice

     Libby Sinback

It’s one thing to understand consent and agree that we should all be excellent at it. But consent is a practice, and something you have to practice every day. This workshop offer many ideas and ways we can practice consent in and outside the bedroom, and then will take participants through a series of exercises in practicing excellent consent. We will practice different ways of saying no and responding to no, saying “no, but,” and negotiating. I will also talk a little bit about Betty Martin’s powerful tool, the Wheel of Consent, and invite participants to play with the concepts of giving and receiving touch so that they might access a greater clarity, awareness and ease in giving and receiving consent.

 

Navigating Sex Positivity in a Sex Negative World

     Chrissy Holman and Rebecca Hiles

This workshop explores the meaning of sex positivity and sex negativity as it relates to both asexual and allosexual people regardless of relationship orientation. We will discuss how both asexuals and allosexuals face discrimination, and what can be done to accomodate both asexual people in a world of compulsory sexuality, and allosexuals in a world of sex-shaming. We will discuss how all individuals, regardless of sexual attraction identity, can work together to reduce harm, support autonomy for all, and find common ground without further marginalizing or contributing to stigma.

  

Implicit Bias and Sexual Preferences: Recognizing and Countering Fetishization

     Dwayne Smith

All too often, marginalized folx are fetishized in the alt-sex community. In many cases, neither party is consciously aware of said fetishization until irreparable harm has been done. When negotiated clearly and intentionally, fetishes can be a fun, healthy part of our sex lives. This facilitated discussion will help attendees navigate the often-nuanced territory of implicit bias and sexual preferences.

 

F*ing the whole body

     Tamara Pincus

This workshop is designed to help you learn how to engage all parts of the body in your sexual expression. We will start with creating a safer space, discussing consent issues and some basic breathing exercises. Then we will move on to 2 some more hands on work around engaging parts of the body that we don’t usually think of as sexual by doing partnered clothes on touch exercises.

 

Group Sex GPS

     Andre Shakti

Sex is complicated enough without adding multiple partners into the mix, so where does someone interested in group sex even begin? Welcome to Group Sex GPS! Throughout this course Andre Shakti will demystify group sex – turning it from fantasy into accessible reality – as well as empower you to take charge of your desires. We’ll cover: – Initiation: Finding compatible group sex partners  – Cultivating an intuition and an emotional intelligence that are group sex-specific  – Risk awareness, consent communication and safety consciousness  – Navigating both private and public group sex environments  – Navigating kink and/or power dynamics within group sex  – Group sex self-care: Before, During & After – Identifying red flags in a potential group sex situation, & MORE! *This workshop welcomes folks of all sexual orientations, gender identities, abilities, races, ethnicities, relationship structures, and group sex experience levels

 

Using the Erotic Blueprints™ for Great Sex and Clear Communication with All Your Poly Partners

     Anne More & Daniel Sullivan

What’s your most intimate love language? How well do you speak your partners’ language? How are they different from one another? How do you navigate that with ease and mastery? Feeling stuck or confused? Or – feeling curious, brave, and ready for change in your erotic landscape? Want to learn how to create exponentially more pleasure, connection, and love?  Learn all about the Erotic Blueprints™ – the key to pleasing any partner (and asking for — and getting! –exactly what you want!). You will learn: • How to invite and create irresistible turn-on  • How to unleash those blocks that keep you stuck and unsatisfied  • How to prioritize pleasure and create hot, juicy connection for a lifetime  • How to bring back joy, play, and ease in the bedroom and beyond Knowing the Five Blueprint Types means hotter sex (yay!) and deeper ease and intimacy (yay!), but it’s also fantastic for understanding differing communication styles and how to create rapport and empathy for those challenging poly conversations. We’ll cover each of the Erotic Blueprints™ and the skills, touch, and mindset that works best for each. The afternoon includes (clothed) practice in touch skills, Q&A, and lots of interactive discussion.